by Doc – Owner, Founder, Man Desperately Trying to Free the World of Simpery
Yep, it’s official. We have to evaluate if Sakurai is a simp. Here’s the evidence for Sakurai’s simpery.
Is Sakurai a Simp? Evidence to the Affirmative
Zero Suit Samus – Coomers delight, because how much suit does Samus have? Zero. Zero Suit Samus.
Female Corrin – Waifu material, especially without shoes. I don’t go far enough into the internet to confirm firsthand knowledge of this, but I imagine the Rule 34 crowd had a field day with barefoot Corrin.
Female Byleth – Not even waifu material, but some lonely men have sure tried. Did she really need stockings to fight? This was probably a Nintendo decision to promote Three Houses, but the stockings… the stockings were optional.
Pyra/Mythra – Double the simping power. Ignoring the fact that their in-game models are very… curvy, this may be the most simp-intense character addition to the game since
Evidence to the Negative
Bayonetta – Let’s partially blame Nintendo for this inclusion, because they’ve shown more interest in the Bayonetta series. Sakurai has clearly toned down the sexuality of Bayonetta (Smash is for good boys and girls, after all) compared to the main Bayonetta games.
Min Min – I don’t blame Sakurai for the simpery on this one – it wasn’t clear to me originally how simps would consider Min Min worth simping over. Yet, they did, and all of humanity has to suffer for it. We won’t count this against him, though. It’s obvious that this was a Nintendo pick – they’re hoping to breathe some life into ARMS.
Not including Mai – Smash is for good boys and girls. Sakurai could’ve included more risqué characters like Mai and Female Terry, who each have two obvious reasons for their fanbases. It would’ve massively increased the reach of these characters, but Sakurai stood against the simpery fanbase.
The Great Samus Flattening – Sakurai finally gave ZSS some realistic proportions in Ultimate, removing many simp’s ability to play Smash with one hand.
….it’s too hard to tell. We’ll have to see how the rest of the Fighter’s Pass 2 shapes up, but it’s looking like Sakurai might be a simp.