by Doc – Owner, Founder, Feels Weird Not Having the Unpopular Opinion This Time
The Smash community, and by extension the Smash amiibo community, is notorious for its strife, inability to completely agree on anything, and unusually subpar personal hygiene. Fortunately, we can create world peace by solving two problems with today’s post, in which I will make incredibly popular and likely-unopposed arguments for banning Kazuya. For the third problem, I recommend Old Spice.
20XX Kazuya Wins Everything
It shouldn’t be much of a surprise that the Kazuya amiibo has all the same $5.99 that his character has. He still has his extreme weight, long-distance recovery and insanely-powerful attacks that KO the entire cast at middle percents. The optimal Kazuya amiibo will probably use Electric Wind God Fist and Crouch Dashing to bypass any need for an approach, leading to easy and straightforward KOs and a fast victory. He’s the poster boy of heavies.
The best currently-existing Kazuya amiibo already crush opponents not specifically suited for fighting him, which are few and far between. Kazuya can’t be easily outranged thanks to his Devil Blaster, which can also be angled to hit shorter opponents, and most opponents with any notable range are also tall enough to be hit by Devil Blaster from a standing position.
20XX Kazuya will just destroy every opponent he comes across, and he might have a positive matchup against Incineroar if he uses Devil Blaster appropriately.
Regular Kazuya Wins (Basically) Everything
Oh yeah, you don’t have to train a Kazuya well for him to destroy everything. A few weeks ago I put my horribly half-assed Kazuya amiibo against a variety of opponents, include the best representatives of certain characters, and Kazuya won nearly every time. The only opponents he had a hard time against were an Ice Climbers (if memory serves, they were IGuano’s) and Rukasu’s Terry, which he would probably go 50/50 with across a dozen matches.
It’s the same problem we had with Bowser, and with Incineroar. You don’t have to be good at amiibo training to win a tournament with this amiibo. You just have to have the amiibo and at least an IQ of 66 and you’ll knock it out of the park.
“But Doc! Doc! If We Re-Legalized Bowser Then Maybe We’ll Re-Legalize Kazuya Too!”
I haven’t even broken the subject of Kazuya’s AI, which is capable of spontaneously conducting 0-deaths on most of the roster. Unlike Bowser or Incineroar, who have to have at least some kind of narrowly-tailored training to dominate the meta, a Kazuya amiibo can randomly take an opponent’s entire stock without any specific training. You could brain transplant a ham sandwich into a Kazuya and it’ll still 0-death an opponent sometimes because that behavior is built into the AI, and isn’t dependent on the training.
If you’re that adamant on re-legalizing Kazuya, I’d suggest praying for an AI nerf before his release.
Do you agree with a Kazuya ban? Do you somehow, someway disagree with it? Tell me in the comments.